Daniel

One incredibly sunny day Dan and Tom were playing football while the chocolate rabbit melted in the sun.  They sighed because it had melted Tom said “You can buy a new one.” “No! I haven’t got any money” replied Dan. “Ok I’ll buy one”. But in a second a  lorry crashed into them. The lorry broke their legs. Quick as a flash the ambulance picked them up and  went to the hospital  After a month they were lying down watching TV. After fifteen days they were back on their feet playing football. when they were sixteen they were playing football for one of their favourite teams.

One thought on “Daniel

  1. Hi Daniel. I can see that you have thought very carefully about using a range of punctuation, and lots of different openers. My favourites are: “Quick as a flash” and “After a month”.

    There is a lot of action in your story and everything seems to happen in a hurry. To make your story even better you could tell a smaller part of the action but describe it more. For example: where did the lorry come from? Did the boys see it coming? Did they try to get out of the way or were they frozen in fear?

    Thanks for sharing your story on the challenge.

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